- Andre Gide
Lately I have had this immense desire to escape. To leave the world I know and explore a world unknown to me. I want to be spontaneous, adventurous, heroic. Ditching the routine life I currently live. Life has been hard lately, feeling second best, left behind, forgotten, alone, misunderstood, made fun of, it's a tiring thing to be so hard on yourself due to the perception others have of you. Escaping allows for you to be you without the constant condemning stares of your peers judging your every move. No more worrying about the people that don't like you. No more worries about disappointing your family, your teachers, your friends. Just you and the great outdoors. I so desperately want to be anywhere but here but I cannot just pack up and leave, I have responsibilities. I wish I could say I want to try to make the most of my life here, but I have no desire to. I want to start over.
Being confined inside 4 white walls doesn't leave much room for inspiration or creativity if anything it makes me feel trapped. Seeing the same people everyday for 12 years now has gotten old and draining. I want new scenery, new experiences, new people.
I have a couple of places and spaces that I consider my "happy places" one of which, is my swing in my backyard. I don't know even at the age of 17 the feeling of swinging is almost equivalent to that of flying; the most freeing, exhilarating feeling I've experienced. Yes, swinging is childish but yes I love it more than anything. It's my escape from the real world it allows for me to have space to think. It's the one place in the world I feel most like myself.
Having this immense desire to escape has also led me to have an immense desire to write, draw (even though I'm awful) and all around be more creative. It's wonderful, it truly is, to be able to express yourself in a way that isn't through words. It's quite amazing how freeing it is. I'm so thankful that in the hectic day to day life I have a place I can go to and be able to have quiet even if it's just for a couple of minutes.
Life is fast paced, and it stops for no one. Sometimes, you feel as though you are tripping trying to keep up with all the things on your plate and I figured out the hard way, that it's okay to take a break and rejuvenate yourself. It's unhealthy to be constantly worrying about life and what the future holds take time to explore, whether that be the world, or yourself. It's amazing what it does for you and your perspective on life. There is so much more out there than you can even imagine and in the big scheme of things what you are going through now is just a small bump in the world. Everything will be okay.
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