Explore

Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”

- Andre Gide

Lately I have had this immense desire to escape. To leave the world I know and explore a world unknown to me. I want to be spontaneous, adventurous, heroic. Ditching the routine life I currently live. Life has been hard lately, feeling second best, left behind, forgotten, alone, misunderstood, made fun of, it's a tiring thing to be so hard on yourself due to the perception others have of you. Escaping allows for you to be you without the constant condemning stares of your peers judging your every move. No more worrying about the people that don't like you. No more worries about disappointing your family, your teachers, your friends. Just you and the great outdoors. I so desperately want to be anywhere but here but I cannot just pack up and leave, I have responsibilities. I wish I could say I want to try to make the most of my life here, but I have no desire to. I want to start over. 

Being confined inside 4 white walls doesn't leave much room for inspiration or creativity if anything it makes me feel trapped. Seeing the same people everyday for 12 years now has gotten old and draining. I want new scenery, new experiences, new people. 

I have a couple of places and spaces that I consider my "happy places" one of which, is my swing in my backyard. I don't know even at the age of 17 the feeling of swinging is almost equivalent to that of flying; the most freeing, exhilarating feeling I've experienced. Yes, swinging is childish but yes I love it more than anything. It's my escape from the real world it allows for me to have space to think. It's the one place in the world I feel most like myself. 

Having this immense desire to escape has also led me to have an immense desire to write, draw (even though I'm awful) and all around be more creative. It's wonderful, it truly is, to be able to express yourself in a way that isn't through words. It's quite amazing how freeing it is. I'm so thankful that in the hectic day to day life I have a place I can go to and be able to have quiet even if it's just for a couple of minutes.

Life is fast paced, and it stops for no one. Sometimes, you feel as though you are tripping trying to keep up with all the things on your plate and I figured out the hard way, that it's okay to take a break and rejuvenate yourself. It's unhealthy to be constantly worrying about life and what the future holds take time to explore, whether that be the world, or yourself. It's amazing what it does for you and your perspective on life. There is so much more out there than you can even imagine and in the big scheme of things what you are going through now is just a small bump in the world. Everything will be okay. 

17 things I learned by the age of 17

17 things I learned by the age of 17

1. Hurt is inevitable. Your best friend will hurt you. Your parents will hurt you. Your siblings will hurt you.

2. You think you will never be okay again, and every time you are. Pray about it God cares. 

3. It's okay if you haven't had a boyfriend or a first kiss.

4. School is important, but so is your mental health. Take days to just sleep. 

5. Sometimes you have to care about yourself more than others. And no, that's not selfish it's healthy. Put yourself first, no one else will

6. Life is hard, people will talk badly about you (even those that say they don't) it's okay it doesn't mean they don't love you 

7. Forgive but don't forget.

8. It's healthy to spend time by yourself. Go to the movies by yourself. Go to lunch by yourself. Surrounding yourself with the presence of others can sometimes be suffocating allow for yourself to breathe.

9. If you are tired, sleep. Napping is the easiest way to escape the world (even if it's just for an hour)

10. Don't let a boy know you stayed up until 4 in the morning crying over the fact he rejected you. Act like it doesn't matter. Being hurt sucks but knowing you hurt someone is a regret you will never get over. Don't get even, move on.

11. Your mom has been through heartbreak too, she knows what it's like to be lied to, used, and misplaced. She wants to be there for you. It's okay to cry to her about how badly your heart hurts.

12. Sometimes you'll be sad to the point where there is a physical pain in your chest, that's normal. It means you're human. Learn from it and remember that that pain means you have a purpose

13. Be nice to people. You never know what is going on deep inside.

14. Boys are mean. But so are girls. It's okay to ignore people it's okay to walk out of someone's life if you don't feel wanted. It's okay to say no. It's okay to cry when you tell someone you don't want to be friends with them. But DONT go back. That relationship/friendship was unhealthy for you then it'll be unhealthy for you now

15. If a boy made you cry once he'll make you cry again and if he doesn't notice he hurt you he isn't worth it.

16. You are not a number. Whether that be the number on the scale, your GPA, or anything in between. You are more than that. You are a human being with a beating heart and a ferocious ability to love use it and love yourself. No one knows you better than you know yourself and no one can love you the way you can love yourself

17. The world might feel like it is crashing down around you. But you are young you have your whole life ahead of you. He's not gonna matter in two years. You won't see her again in a years time. The college you so desperately wanted to get into but didn't was for your benefit. This is the end of one stage of your life and the beginning of another take advantage of it. 

Jesus is pretty darn cool

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in my weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
This hits home with me because instead of boasting about all that I am good at, I should boast about all that Christ is good in me. Without him I would be nothing, and without all the pain and the trials of the world I would not be who I am, I would not be as strong as I am without him. Christ's power is made PERFECT in WEAKNESS, it is not made perfect in strength because when you are strong you tend to push Jesus out of the picture and say look at what I'VE done but when you are weak and overcome a trial you look back and say look at what JESUS has done through me. As stated in John 3:30 "He must become greater; I must become less."

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them." 1 John 4:16.
THIS IS THE COOLEST THING EVER. I was shown this bible verse summer camp 8th grade by Haley Gooch, she has changed my life remarkably by showing me this one bible verse. I remember just thinking about how love is the most important as stated in 1 Corinthians, "love never fails" and "above all of the greatest of these is love." Love. A 4 letter word that has so much meaning and so much impact behind it. I think one thing I lack most in my life is loving EVERYONE, not just my friends or my family but even loving my enemies. God loves everyone, Jesus loved everyone, so why can't I? If I want to be more like God if I want to be a CHRISTian and be Christ-like I have to surrender myself and learn to love the seemingly unloveable. That girl that spread rumors about me I have to love her. That boy that broke my heart and told me I wasn't worth loving I have to love. The only way to show God's love is by loving even when it is hardest for you.

"Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I." Isaiah 58:9
This verse reminds me of the song "Came to my Rescue" by Hillsong. God loves you so much, that all you have to do is cry out to him and he will be there for you IMMEDIATELY, he is not like a human he doesn't do the whole one minute I'm busy or can I come back to you I have more important things to do. No, to God you are the MOST important thing and he will be there immediately when you cry out to him. But, you do have to cry out to him you can't just sit there in pain and expect him to show up without your cry. God is willing to help you through any situation no matter how seemingly small or seemingly impossible God will help and get you through it but you have to be willing to trust him with everything in you. It's easy to say you trust God but in the long run what is that one thing that is holding you back from trusting God 100%. Mine is my anxiety, I have a lot of worries and they sometimes conquer my trust for God I worry that he will not get it done in time, or the way I want to so instead I take things into my own hands which ends up messy and leaving me more anxious than I was before.

"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Luke 18:17
For a long period of time this bible verse troubled me, but the more I loved it. I now understand it. As a child you trust your parents to provide for you, you are willing to give your parents your life, because you know they have your best interest for you. We have to trust God like we trust our own parents, he is in fact our heavenly Father. He has our best interest at heart and will do anything to provide for us in any way possible. He will rescue you in the midst of any storms when he sees that you cannot take it anymore. That is not to say he will not allow you to go through a storm, just like your parents let you make mistakes so you can learn from them, God does the same. He puts you through storms to show you how strong you are. You are stronger than you can imagine and just when you think you can't do it anymore he will rescue you, every single time. Just as seen in Exodus 14:14, "The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm."

God is so good, he is the one person that knows you inside and out. He knows every mistake you have made, every lie you have told, every mistake you are going to make, every lie you are going to tell and every flaw in you, but he is the one that loves you unconditionally. All earthly love is conditional, but God's love is unconditional and he knows you better than you even know yourself. That blows my mind and fills me with such joy that I can't help but smile knowing I can never fathom just how much God loves me. I am loved. The one who created the mountains and the oceans and spoke and there was light, loves me, every hair on my head, every breath I take I am loved unconditionally but the creator of the universe. He loves me more than the highest mountain, more than the deepest ocean. He loves you just as much as he loves me and his love is endless. I've been struggling with feeling important because I'm selfish and want God to love me more than he loves the boy who broke my heart or the girl that was mean to me or the people that have hurt me but I'm coming to terms with the fact that is not how it is and that is not how it will ever be but that does not mean God loves me any less just because he loves everyone. Everyone is worthy in God's eye. Everyone is loved by God. And if that isn't the coolest thing I don't know what is.